Now I’m not saying that I’m drowning in a pool of depression, really. In all honesty, I’m pretty okay. I’m fine. I’m not at the most happy place ever, but the biggest thing is just that I’m really tired. I’m constantly tired. And the stress is not completely over. I have about two months to finish my thesis at this point, and I never find the time to devote myself to that. I’ve hardly progressed in the past 9 months. When I do finally set aside the time in the weekend to work on it, it’s really hard for me to actually do it. Every time, I sit down to work on it and then think of a list of 10 blog posts that I still need to write and think that if I do that instead, I’ll still be being productive.
Basically I need to get my priorities in line, and at least for the next two months really make some headway on my thesis without having this blog thing looming over me. It’s extremely hard for me to do that though, because I still have some review copies, and BEA is coming up so I kind of theoretically want the blog to be at its highest point in activity. But I’ve reached the breaking point and need to admit that for right now, thesis comes first. The longer I don’t do that, the more I entertain such thoughts as, “Why should I bother finishing it anyway? Do I actually want this???”
For my part, I’ve not really enjoyed my college experience. This is a minor tangent, but I’m just not an academic person. I could write a whole post about how that’s been poisoning my mind lately, and I have a lot of thoughts on the subject, so I may do so someday. But I don’t enjoy academics, no matter how easy it comes for me. I’ve always been looking towards the farther future. A degree for me is really just a means to an end. While I’m not totally head-over-heels in love with the company where I intern right now, I really love the working lifestyle. I like the office environment, and I like that work stays at work (whereas, as a student, when you’re home there’s always literature to study or thesis to work on, on your own time; and no I’m not going to miss college later, srsly).
I long had strong suspicions that it would be like this for me: that once I got a taste of working life, I would never go back to school. That’s also why I decided to get my master’s right after I finished my bachelor’s – working for a few years and then getting my MBA would never happen. But it just figures that I would, by interning, put myself in this position where it’s really hard to find the desire to finish my degree. But I have to. It’s been two years and a lot of money. Not finishing is not an option. So for now, until I’m sure I’m back on the right track education-wise, I need to take blogging out of the equation.
I don’t think I’ll be gone for two months, no need to worry there. But I need some time to get the thesis back on track and find a schedule that will work for me. Once that’s done, I can see how I can fit blogging in. I’m thinking, ideally, that this would be about two or three weeks. I’m not sure how realistic that is, but we’ll see. If I don’t make that, you will see some activity in reviews of review copies, haha, so don’t worry. And of course, you can always find me (complaining about my thesis) on social media.
Some fun on the sideI am hoping that I’ll still be reading in this time (just substituting blogging time for thesis time) and I am in fact embarking on a new reading project. I’ve talked before and quite often about how I struggle with longer books. Some people like big books and they cannot lie, well, I’m running in the other direction. I dunno, it’s tough for me, because I want to keep up with my reading challenge, which involves finishing two books per week, and if I take on a longer book, that won’t happen. One could argue that if you read a couple shorter books afterwards you would be on the right track on average, but my mind does not accept this logic. I must finish two books per week.So sadly, all books longer than 500 pages or so just get pushed farther and farther down my TBR list.
Last month, I rewatched all three seasons of Game of Thrones and fell even deeper in love than before. I’ve seen every episode probably 3-4 times, and I’m just so in love with the story. So I thought, “This is it. It’s time. You need to finally read the books. You must.”
I’ve been toying with this idea in my head for a long time. I really want to know every detail of this story, but how could I possibly keep it from taking over my reading life? Blog content would suffer. Maybe I should just wait until someday when I’m not blogging anymore… BUT NO MORE.
I know people do readalongs, but I don’t particularly think that would work for me. I need intrinsic motivation, and for so many of those readalongs, I find out about them too late, after they started already, and I’m not going to put myself into a guilt spiral due to the need to catch up and everything. Just no. That won’t work for me. So I have my own schedule.
Most of my reading I do on the train commute to work. Three hours per day means that I pretty much always finish two books per week on the commute. But you know what is manageable to add to this? 26 pages per night, before bed. This divides the first book, A Game of Thrones over the month of April. This page count is just the minimum I need to read per night – and I can read more if I want and get ahead (or just finish the chapter I’m on). But I shouldn’t fall behind. And I get instant satisfaction each night when I can cross off the day – goal met.
We’ll see how this goes, but should it be successful and enable me to read A Game of Thrones in addition to my usual monthly TBR, I will be rolling it out and making it a monthly thing. I absolutely love epic/high fantasy, but they’re all so chunky. I’ll love it if this gets me to read them. Currently, the lineup includes: the rest of the Song of Ice and Fire series, the Mistborn trilogy, and The Kingkiller Chronicles.
You can probably catch me tweeting and posting Instagram pictures about my progress in A Game of Thrones (#DebbyReadsAGoT), but I really wanted to share this reading project on the blog as well. Hiatus aside, I’d love to hear from you guys what you think, and if you’d like me to make any kind of posts about this (if so, what kind).