Everything started on Tuesday, when during my morning commute someone jumped in front of my train. I knew this happened all the time, sadly, but I could never have imagined how hearing that crash and feeling those bumps would affect me as a passenger. I was completely shaken up. The whole day I felt out of sorts, and I couldn’t stop thinking about that morning – how horrible it must be that that seemed like the only remaining option for that person, and what must be going through the heads of their loved ones. I felt deeply, deeply sad – and it didn’t help when my afternoon commute was diverted because someone else jumped in front of a train at almost the exact same point.
I broke. I couldn’t keep it together anymore. Let me just say, right now: if you, dear reader, ever feel hurt, misunderstood, invisible, or like there’s no way out, this is my open invitation to you. You can talk to me. It doesn’t matter how much or little we’ve spoken before, I just don’t want anyone to feel so alone. Tweet me, email me, I can give you my G-chat or Skype info – I’ll be there for you.
While still on my way home, I got some unfortunate messages from my douchebag roommate. Followers on Twitter will know that I don’t call him the douchebag for nothing – he really is just that bad. This time he pretty much declared himself dictator of the apartment – he single-handedly without our consent picked a new roommate for the empty room, and we should just be fine with that – oh and by the way, when are we moving out? He subtly indicated that if he can kick me out of the apartment, he will – and technically I should be leaving soon because I’ve graduated and it’s an apartment building for college students. I started shaking all over and couldn’t keep it together anymore. When I finally got home, I rushed to my computer and responded to some apartment listings right away – the voice in my head screaming, “GET OUT OF THERE ASAP.”
Wednesday, I was called about one of the apartments I responded to. Thursday I saw it, and at the end of the day had agreed. I’M MOVING!!! It’s not ideal, because it’s still in Rotterdam, which means I still have a crazy long commute, so it’s more of a temporary solution, but it’s my own place – no freaking roommates anymore – and… yeah. My mental health is the most important thing, and it’s gotten to the point where I’m sometimes scared to leave my room in case I run into the douchebag. Urgh. Anyway, December 29th I’ll get the key and I’ll have 2-3 weeks to move everything, which is CRAZY and OMG HOW DO I PLAN THIS HOW ASDFJKL; THERE ISN’T A FLOOR IN IT, I HAVE TO LAY A FLOOR NOW? HOW DO I HOWWWWWWWWW
But aside from asking some family and friends to keep some weekends free to help me if they can, I’m letting this rest for now because… IT’S TIME FOR VACATION!
Tomorrow I’m flying out to Texas, where I’m spending Christmas with my dad, stepmother, and stepbrothers, and just THANK GOD. I’m in desperate need of vacation time – I am exhausted. I am a little panicky at the moment because OMG LEAVING TOMORROW EARLY MORNING PACKING WHAT DO I WHAAAAAAAAT, but that’ll work itself out just fine.
My Planned Holiday Reads
For just a *touch* of bookishness in this post, here are the books I hope to read in my 10 day vacation. Likely this will hardly happen, but oh well. I’m currently reading I’m Glad I Did so I’ll easily be able to finish that up – and it’ll be a milestone, because it is my last BEA ARC. EEEEEEE. My True Love Gave To Me I want to read for obvious Christmas-y reasons. I won a copy of Inspire and DUH it’s Cora Carmack, I must read this ASAP. Feed is for book club – and massive, so I’m worried if I can finish it or not. Inked is by the ever-so-lovely Eric Smith, and he asked me to be on the blog tour, so this gets HIGH PRIORITY status ♥ (also, January’s going to be so busy now, I’m scared about blog obligations x_x). Last Will and Testament is another book I won, and I think new adult romance will be peeeeerrrrrrrfect for the holidays 🙂
Then again, I might just drop this whole plan and read a bunch of random things instead. WHO KNOWS. WHO CARES. IT’S VACATION TIME (ALMOST).